As I was originally going through the thoughts that are this blog post they were going to be listed more as questions that I wanted some input on. I was a little concerned about making some of these questions public because then I'd be getting pretty personal, and would reveal some struggles I have that maybe I'm not so ready to reveal. However, I said that was part of the point of this blog, for me to be more transparent..and real, I suppose. Anyway, they were going to be questions for whoever might read this and care to share their input to share away, but I decided to do some of my own research with Someone that has all the answers, first. If you do happen to read this and have something to add, please do so, by all means. I've realized that I'm not very good at forgetting things and moving on. I always analyze EVERYTHING. Causes me a lot of problems too. You'd think that since I realize I do this I'd stop, but apparently it's not that easy. I find myself analyzing why I analyze...it's just a vicious cycle. My questions were: how do you forget the hurts and insecurities and move on? And if someone has hurt me, I say I have forgiven them, but I don't forget the pain does that mean I haven't really forgiven them? I was talking with my 18 year old cousin the other day (so weird to me that he's 18..and this was really an out of the blue conversation), about how we can't hold onto our past. That we can't get so focused on the past, and the "could've been/should've been". That we need to take whatever lesson we can learn from our experiences and then continue on. As I was saying these things I realized that I was saying them more to myself than anyone. There are things I've thought I've forgiven, let go of, or moved on from- some from quite a ways back- that I apparently haven't. I am my own worst enemy, and my own worst critic. Anytime I disappoint myself I immediately bring up all those old things and beat myself down with them. Which just makes getting up again harder each time, because there are all the new things on top of the old. There are some areas where this is really becoming a big hindrance in things that I know I am supposed to be doing. A couple of years ago I read "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. One of the biggest things I remember from that book is that they said you cannot fully experience God's love unless you love yourself and allow Him to love you. His love is a free gift (to me, it cost Him His Son), but I have to accept it. When I bring up my old hurts and insecurities I am not loving myself, and most certainly not allowing Him to love me. To answer my second question up there, I'm afraid that if I hold onto the hurt another has caused me I haven't truly forgiven them, as much as I may say I have. In answer to my first question, here is some of the Scripture I came across:
"For I know that nothing can keep us from the love of God. Death cannot! Life cannot! Angels cannot! Leaders cannot! Any other power cannot! Hard things now or in the future cannot! The world above or the world below cannot! Any other living thing cannot keep us away from the love of God which is ours through Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39
"Hope never makes us ashamed because the love of God has come into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us." Romans 5:5
"God gave us these two things that cannot be changed and God cannot lie. We who have turned to Him can have great comfort knowing that He will do what He has promised. This hope is a safe anchor for our souls. It will never move. This hope goes into the Holiest Place of All behind the curtain of heaven." Hebrews 6: 18-19
"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear has to do with punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love." 1 John 4:18
One thing that stood out to me in the verses from Romans 8 is that it said that life cannot get in the way of the love God has for us. That seems an odd thing to say at first. We think of death as stopping things, but life is when things happen. But we can let life get in the way...but even me and my silly analyzing and beating myself down can't stop the love of God. And nothing anyone else says or does to me can stop His love. Thank You, Lord, for that! The verses from Hebrews 6 came to mind as I was reading the Romans verses. My youth group in Germany sang a song that said, "We have this hope, as an anchor for our souls, firm and secure, we have this anchor for our souls." One of my favorite Building 429 songs says, "When everything else is changing, You are constant. Lifting my eyes to see far beyond this misery." (Constant) 1 John 4 is one of my favorite chapters in the Bible. I read it a lot a few years ago when I was struggling with some things, and I posted it again here as a reminder to myself. If I am letting God love me, then I won't have to deal with those hurts and insecurities and I can truly move on!
Well, Megan, I have to say, you are a wise young woman. Interestingly enough, I have been struggling with those very things in my life. I've had to ask myself many times in the past year if I have truly forgiven some hurts in my life or if I really haven't. I continute to roll them over and over in my mind, analyzing them to death. For me, I feel like there must be a reason, and I won't be satisfied until I know that it's either my own shortcoming causing the problem or that there is some fault in the other person. I've said I've forgiven, yet, i can't let go and move on. It's making me miserable, and certainly affecting my outlook on life and relationships. I constantly beat myself up, because I must not be good enough, as a wife, mother, daughter, woman of God. How is this a healthy mindset? It's absolutely not. It's hard to find the positive when you're walking through the valley. Yet, I remind myself often that we are told in Jeremiah 29:11 that God has a plan for our lives, I may not know where I am going and what is going to happen, but I can take comfort knowing that even in this God has a plan for me. I am going to continue to check this, as I am interested in seeing the thoughts that others have on this topic. You make a good point, I have to let go and let God love me....I have to love myself somehow enough to let Him love me and to believe that HE loves me. Michelle Rutledge
ReplyDeleteMegan, you are wise beyond your years.I have struggled for the past year with the very things you spoke of and what a blessing it is for you to share not only your experiences, but the word in such a sweet spirit. It was just what I needed to hear and I thank you for that. J.Converse
ReplyDeleteAfter reading this post and the post about loving people, a verse popped into my head that I heard from a very Godly woman when I was about your age. She was talking about being put into a difficult situation and how she could have lashed out at the one who put her there, or she could respond with a smile knowing the first option wouldn't have brought anything positive to the table. The verse she came back to is one of my favorites from Phil. 4:11 which says, "Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content." This was coming from Paul who certainly faced much greater issues than I could ever imagine. Of course, later in this chapter is the reminder that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." You are a wonderful young lady and you don't get to beat yourself up over things (leave that to your family :-) ). Remember Whose you are and call on His strength to take you through the tough times and give you the right responses for the difficult folks in your life. I love you!
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