A Positive Attitude

I said that part of my purpose in writing this blog was to hold myself accountable... sometimes that will mean admitting things I maybe don't want to admit. This is one of those times. I tend to be a negative person. I get somewhat cynical when it comes to thinking about good things happening to me, and I also worry a lot. I used to tell myself not to get my hopes up too high because I'd just end up disappointed. If you don't have any sort of expectation, you can't be let down, right? And I used to think that I had to worry because no one else would. However, if there was someone else around that was negative or worrying then I would try to make them think more positively or stop their worrying. Don't quite understand my reasoning there. As far as the negativity thing goes my sister, Jessica, is opposite me. If it's a rainy, dreary day I feel like wearing dreary clothes to match. She goes the other way and wears as many bright colors as possible so that there is some brightness in the day. You know the Relient K song that says, "Lately the weather has been so bi-polar and consequently so have I." That could definitely apply to me. And when I have carried on to her about a rough day, she'll say, "Well, what was something good that happened today?" I realize that I have this problem, and they always say (they being the people that say things) the first step in fixing a problem is admitting that the problem exists in the first place. So, I've been working on having a positive attitude lately. It's not been easy either. A lot of people know that I do not care for Tuesdays. Mondays I can handle alright because their the first day of the work week, and it's like a fresh start. Wednesdays are the middle of the week, Thursday is almost Friday, and then Friday is Friday, and of course there's the weekend. Tuesdays are just an annoying filler day. And it seems like things that have gone wrong have happened on Tuesdays, and there are other things that happen every Tuesday that aren't particularly pleasant. Every Tuesday I wake up expecting it to be a bad day. Well, if that's my attitude toward it then most likely it will be a bad day. Not necessarily because bad things are going to happen because I think they will, but because my expectations are set on the "bad" things I will notice them and completely miss out on whatever good things may happen. I feel like the Tuesdays that I make the decision to have a good attitude about end up being even worse than when I just don't think about it. However, I'm only being tested on what I'm trying to do, so I need to continue facing every Tuesday with a more positive mindset. I have a book called, "The Bible Promise Book for Women" that has different Scriptures broken down by topic, and at the beginning of the section on Perseverance (fyi I have a bookmark in that section and read it A LOT) there is a quote from Margaret Thatcher that says, "You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it." I've been fighting this Tuesday battle a lot and losing. Today I think I had some small victories. My kids said some funny things today. They say funny things most day, but I am choosing to remember those things over frustrations and annoyances from the day. We've been working on writing their names a lot, and today the four that were there for the morning did the best they have ever done. It was so exciting to see the work we've been putting in really paying off. My job can be very frustrating, and some times I feel like I'm not getting anywhere, but today I was reminded that sometimes what I say does get through, and that we just have to keep plugging away. As for my worrying issue, I have gotten better at not worrying. The Bible specifically says not to worry in Luke 12:22-34. In verse 25 & 26, Jesus says, "And which of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life's span? If then you cannot do even a very little thing, why then do you worry about other matters?" I'm pretty sure worrying quickly shaves hours off my life rather than lengthening it or deepening it. That second part just now struck me, about not being able to do a little thing. We can't add time to our lives, so why waste the time we do have being negative and being wrapped up in worry? And I certainly don't think that living life with low expectations is the way to go, because that can turn into a life without hope, and I most certainly have hope, and I think from there can turn into a life of indifference. And an indifferent, hopeless life is not what I'm looking for.