It's "funny" to me how long it takes me to realize things sometimes. I imagine God up there shaking his head at me because I'm a little slow sometimes ("You'll have to excuse my friend, he's a little slow...the towns back that way." Can anyone name that movie? lol) I know God doesn't really do that because He is patient. The Bible compares us to sheep all the time, and I think that is very fitting. My mom's aunt and uncle used to have sheep down at their farm, and I remember watching them and thinking how silly they were. One of them would make some movement that would spook another, so it would take off running which would cause the others to run too. Then they'd just stop and look around like, "What?" and go back to eating. I think Christians do that too. The sheep didn't seem to realize that they were in a safe area being looked out for, and that whatever movement they were seeing wasn't something to be afraid of. No matter what this world throws at us, if we have a personal relationship with Jesus we don't need to take off running anytime there is some commotion that frightens us. We aren't promised an easy road, we are just promised that we don't have to go alone.
Faith has been on my mind a lot lately. Back in 2007 my pastor had me read an entry in Oswald Chambers "My Utmost for His Highest" because it related to something I was going through at the time. That was interesting to me because for as long as I can remember my mom has had a copy of that on a little bench that is usually in the living room of whatever house we're living in. Growing up I thought it was a "fancy" book because it was leather bound, with the gold edged pages and had a bookmark. Besides when I tried to read it I couldn't for the life of me understand it. Since I read that first entry that my pastor shared, I have read through the book a couple of times. I go back to that first entry a lot (December 18) because it reminds me of what I've come through to get where I am today, and because sometimes I seem to think I know all I need to know and it also reminds me that I most certainly do not. (Side note: My Utmost is a really awesome daily devotional, you should definitely have a copy or at least go to myutmost.org and you can do the daily readings there) Around the same time that my pastor passed that entry on to me a friend shared 2 Timothy 1:12 with me, which says, "That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day." At that time I would read that verse over and over every day and I did that for a few months. I think I shared in a past post that I got myself a new Bible because I felt like I was just going to the verses I had underlined and not really looking for anything new from God's word, and I also got a different translation to shake things up a little as well. I've kinda avoided that verse, because I felt like I knew what I needed to know about it. Who am I to think that I could ever know all there is to know about anything about God or His word? Foolish girl I was on that one. All this to say that here lately I have been reminded of things I felt like I "knew" that maybe I did know in my head, but I wasn't taking them to heart and really living them out. Knowing something and actually living like you know something are completely different things.
Like I said, faith has been on my mind a lot lately. Every year when VBS time rolls around I have myself a little melt down. Every year I am reminded that God provides exactly what we need. We have never been without resources or workers. Our VBS may look a little different than others, but we are a different church and that is ok. Every year I am overwhelmed at how God supplies exactly what we need. You'd think that after growing up in church and having a personal relationship with Him for most of my life these things would not be a surprise to me. I feel foolish for doubting, and rightfully so. I hope I never quit being overwhelmed by what He does and how He does it though. There's a quote I saw somewhere that says, "God tries our faith so that we may try His faithfulness." It never fails that when I think I've reached the end and that I'm just going to quit He comes blazing through with just what I needed. Or He is that soft wind that is so very comforting. I'm not exaclty sure where I'm going with all this... I suppose it's all just to say that when we think we've reached the end He will always come through. 2 Timothy 2:13 says, "If we are faithless, He remains faithful for He cannot deny Himself." The Bible also says that in our weakness He is strong, so maybe we need to reach the end for Him to really come through...stop trying to do it on our own because really what can we do on our own? Wear ourselves out and get the same disappointing results.
Plumb has a song called "Better" that I greatly enjoy, and there is one line that has always stuck out to me, "In the end what leaves you broken makes you better." I don't think we need to go seeking out things that are going to leave us broken, but I think the times that break us down are also when we experience the most growth. That has been my personal experience. The times of brokenness are when you can really see where you are placing your faith and readjust your life appropriately. Another quote I really like (apparently I'm full of them tonight) says, "You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it." (Margaret Thatcher said that, fyi). Back to what I said in the beginning, sometimes I'm not so quick to catch on to what God is teaching me. I also think I will spend my whole life going through some of those processes though, because, as I also said, I can never know all there is to know about Him. One thing I should have down by now is to know that I can trust Him absolutely because even when I am faithless He is faithful. I do "know" that, I just need to work on living like I know that :)
